People Pleasing Is One Of My Many Talents

         I'm sure you've heard of the term people pleasing, and heck maybe you are one but if you aren't sure, essentially, it's just a fancy way of saying you lack boundaries when it comes to over giving yourself, lacking the ability to stand up for yourself and allowing your needs to go unmet for fear of upsetting someone else. 

I suffer from being a people pleaser, so does my husband and most of my friends. We all had weird childhoods or some traumatic event that very much flipped the switch in our brains that said, "If we don't do XYZ we won't ever be loved or appreciated." For myself it was staying out of trouble and looking after my sisters. I learned very, very young that if I made my parents job harder than I was considered disrespectful. This led me to have a long string of issues when I became a teenager, leading me to get into several fights and I was eventually expelled just a week shy of finishing my junior year of high school. Back then I was completely mortified that it had gotten that far. But honestly, now I'm old enough to understand I was very exhausted trying to fit into a mold that just wasn't good for me. I was tired of lying to my peers about my home life. After that I was cornered into joining the military, something I knew I never, ever wanted for my life and became so stressed out from yet again trying to fit someone else's expectations of me that I had a full-blown heart attack at 18 years old. What I'm trying to say is that I've been a people pleaser for a very long time. I know you're probably thinking, "Sophie, why on earth are you giving advice about not being a people pleaser when you still are one?" Because dearest reader I am trying my hardest to get away from that side of me. Because I know we both deserve to live our lives authentically.

     Discontinuing the trend of being a people pleaser doesn't mean we have to be mean or not help out our friends with their problems. It's being able to look them in the eyes and let them know that you've given all and any advice you can give but their problems belong to them, it is absolutely not your issues to solve. It is knowing you have your week packed with after school activities for your kids, household errands and finally getting a date night with your spouse and not feeling bad when you tell your sister-in-law "No." when she asks you to watch her kids. Its taking a huge leap of faith on a dream you've put on the back burner because it just didn't work for everyone else's schedule. Life is way too short to live in this deep fear of being true to ourselves. Think about how much your mental health would improve if you just stopped worrying how other people saw you? When we live to please other people, we forget to please ourselves. 

I want you to take the leap of faith this week. I want you to say no when asked to do a task you know you don't have energy for. I want you to write out all of your hopes and dreams that you're afraid to try and break them down into smaller short-term goals so you can start moving in the direction you want to go. I want you to cut off 1 person this week that drains your energy and self-esteem. Lastly, I want you to forgive yourself for not be brave sooner. It's never too late to start over.